unsolved typographical mysteries of birmingham #1: who is donna kebab?

Signs are such bossy things. Always telling you about something, or telling you what to do or where to go. However, they have the capacity to entertain. For me, some of the the most entertaining signs are the ones where the signwriter’s obviously has been having a bad day, is completely preoccupied with finding another career path or has, quite frankly, gone a bit loco.

Chaps Royals kebab shop on the Hagley Road has one such sign in its window which has seldom failed to entertain me on many a dull commute to work. Amidst the noisy, bright typefaces and more meal deals than you can shake a stick at, there it is: the reference to the most mysterious woman in Birmingham. Donna Kebab.

Travelling eastbound on Hagley Road, this typographical apparition appears as you approach the junction to turn right into Monument Road .If you’re in a vehicle, pray to the Traffic Light God to turn them red. Then, look right and witness the spectacle for yourselves. I’m typically comandeering a vehicle which denies me the opportunity to take a snap of this phenomenon. However, if you’re on foot or live in Brazil and want to know the whereabouts of what I’m referring to, you can locate it here:

Some intense research, otherwise known as mindless time wasting, revealed a couple of other potential nationwide sightings of La Kebab:

On the Staylocked.com forum, on 17th February 2007 Orphiel wrote:

“…but I was pissed going home on my own tonight and some fox (which I initially thought was a dog) came up to me, I offered it Donna Kebab and it ate it from my hand… never had this before… is this a London thing???”

I’m intrigued at to what exactly is ‘a London thing’. Inability to classify random roaming mammalia in the street whilst under the influence of alcohol? Offering them unclassifiable meat products contrary to their normal dietary routine? This is how zoonoses start. Feeding wildlife things you shouldn’t. Incidentally, what was our Donna doing in London to end up as a handout for wandering fox-dogs?

Football Forums brought yet more rich intelligence from AB2002 who commented on 3rd May 2007:

“Just out of curiosity are there any MK Dons fans on FF? Ain’t there one called Donna Kebab or summat like that?”

No AB2002, I’m afraid she’s currently unable to support the Dons at the moment as she’s a bit tied up spinning round on a spit in Edgbaston in anticipation of tonight’s post-beer munchfest.

The Bloggers’ Challenge

It’s too good to miss a challenge for Brum-dwellers and visitors. You’re challenged to submit your pics of Donna Kebab or other examples of local typographical misdemeanours in the comments. Links rock, if you please. Consider yourselves briefed.

People often worry about spelling errors. Don’t. I reckon we should embrace them – they’re as much a part of this malleable language as local accents, misheard words and formal pronunciation executed with Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales balanced on your bonce. There’s only one form of communication I will retaliate against: text speak. Bstrds.